Listening to Republicans made me a better activist.
A decade ago, I was living in Madison, Wisconsin when Republicans swept all three branches of Wisconsin’s state government—an alarming sea change for Dems in a state that had voted for the Democratic Presidential candidate in every election since 1988.
My boyfriend Ron and I supported progressive causes, and we wanted to understand what had happened to our once-Blue state. On a whim, I emailed the local GOP and asked if anyone would be willing to chat with us. Soon we were having monthly dinners with a Republican couple, and our conversations were so fascinating that the four of us eventually founded Reach Out Wisconsin, an organization that brings people from all sides of the political spectrum together for respectful dialogue.
Republican leadership around Madison embraced this idea, and I sent the local Democratic Party a naïve and hopeful email: Might the Dems also get on board?
But when the Dems finally responded, they were cool and dismissive.
“Thank you for your email inviting us to get involved in your group,” the party chair began. “We must decline.” He then rattled off how the Republican Party’s various sins and evil policies had hurt the good people of Wisconsin, and added the following:
As an organized entity the Democratic Party of Dane County is not interested in bilateral discussions with organized republicans or “understanding” them. We fully understand what they believe and in who’s [sic] interest they, wittingly or not, are working.… The resources we have, the energy we bring to bear, needs to be used to defeat them.
He said we were welcome to announce our events at Democratic Party meetings or on their Facebook page, but otherwise, “Good luck in your endeavors.”
Warm Republicans, chilly Dems
I was disappointed and frustrated, but not surprised.
Apparently, some of my fellow liberals didn’t share my desire to understand the other side of our current struggle. Busy mounting a full-throttle counterattack, they seemed to feel there wasn’t room for listening.
Embarrassed on behalf of our comrades on the left, I somberly shared the news with our group’s Republican co-leaders, Scott and Carol. They and other local Republicans had welcomed Ron and me to their annual picnic and other events, and the contrast between their attitude and the Dems’ was stark. Was this difference only due to my side’s current underdog status? Or did it say something more about our general liberal culture, our tendency to dismiss all Republicans as evil or ignorant?
I was also taken aback by the party chair’s assumption that we must choose between fighting for a cause or reaching out to the other side. Because I was learning that we can do both.
You can listen and work for change.
You don’t have to choose between standing up for your beliefs and hearing out those who think differently. Speaking up and listening may not intuitively go hand in hand, but with practice, they can become complementary. Learning to do both creates more fruitful outcomes for everyone involved.
That’s what Scott, Carol, Ron, and I were doing when I got the Democrats’ email. We’d been working hard to develop Reach Out Wisconsin’s name, create a website, design our format, and begin hosting public forums—all while furthering our own political causes, which were often in direct opposition.
For weeks that spring, Ron and I had participated almost daily in the protests at the Wisconsin state Capitol while Scott and Carol attended counter protests. They were immersed in the local Republican Party, while we volunteered long hours to help recall Republican Senators.
Once our forums got going, our attendees experienced the same dynamic. Two of them grinned as they told us how they’d crossed paths at the state Capitol while rallying for opposing causes. Recognizing each other from Reach Out Wisconsin, they said “hello” and shook hands before returning to stand with their respective groups.
Another time, I wrote an irate letter to the editor in response to a conservative column in the local paper—only to make the acquaintance of the columnist, Larry, weeks later at one of our forums. Larry and I are still friends on Facebook.
Political activism and reaching across the aisle doesn’t have to be an “either/or.” In fact, most people I know in the dialogue movement are partisans, and many are passionate activists for liberal or conservative causes.
Reaching out complements activism
I suspect part of the Democratic Party chair’s concern was finite resources. Maybe he thought attending our forums would take resources away from fighting for the cause. It’s a reasonable concern. If we’re opposed to someone and we “waste” time listening to them, aren’t we diluting our activism energy? If in practical terms, time and energy are always finite, don’t we have to choose between listening and activism?
I say “no.” On a spiritual or emotional level, dialogue work often complements activism rather than detracting from it. Few of us have the temperament or stamina for a long fight without stopping for nourishment along the way, and dialogue can provide that nourishment.
Dialogue is rooted in hope for humanity—it reframes the draining and disheartening “us vs. them” mentality. Reaching out and listening often require quiet introspection, asking us to practice compassion and forgiveness. For me and many other gentler, more introverted people, this type of work helps sustain us through the long struggle. Dialogue doesn’t compete with our activism; it makes our activism possible.
It also helps our results to stick. If we only fight and never listen, our accomplishments are at risk of being short-lived. If we don’t take time to fully comprehend the other side’s objections, our policies won’t address their true concerns. Likewise, if we treat our political opposites derisively along the way, they’ll question our motives and work hard after the next election cycle to undo what we’ve done. Building trust now can help us find lasting solutions that benefit both sides.
I sometimes wonder what would have happened if the local Democratic Party had answered my call and its leaders and members had attended Reach Out Wisconsin alongside the Republicans. Might the Dems’ fight have been more effective in the long run?
When people disparage efforts to reach out, it’s often because they mistakenly believe listening means giving up the causes that matter to them. Not so. Taking the time to listen and practice compassion for the other side can sustain us through political discord and ensure that our efforts bear fruit for years to come.
Many thanks to Locke Peterseim for assistance editing this piece.
