When the Pew Research Center released its study on Political Polarization in the American Public last month, there was a flurry of blog posts, editorials, and articles. The study’s findings are somewhat alarming: politically engaged Americans are more ideologically divided than in decades, with more animosity towards those on the other side—a situation toxic to compromise.
Liberals and conservatives even prefer different lifestyles, sorting ourselves into conservative rural communities and liberal urban centers so that we rarely interact. It’s no wonder there’s stagnation in Congress.
The one thing missing from all this discussion, though, is any mention of what action to take. How can we prevent or combat polarization and foster a healthier democracy?
For the past three years, I’ve been part of a civil political dialogue group called Reach Out Wisconsin. This group and others like it serve as a guiding light, a potential way out of the thorny mess we’ve created for ourselves.
Based in Madison, the state capital, Reach Out Wisconsin meets once a month to discuss hot topics such as income inequality, gun control, and abortion. Meetings typically include twenty-five to seventy-five participants from all sides of the political spectrum: Democrats and Republicans; progressives and Tea Partiers; independents and moderates. Discussions are thoughtful, lively, sometimes heated, and always educational.
I co-founded the group with my husband Ron Dolen—a fellow progressive—and with a Republican couple we befriended when Wisconsin’s political tension was reaching a boiling point. It was years before the Pew Research Center study, but Ron and I were caught in exactly the kind of political-geographic sorting the study would later describe.
In late 2010, when Governor Scott Walker was elected, we couldn’t fathom how he had won because we didn’t know a single person who would vote for him. We lived in the liberal heart of Madison, in a neighborhood characterized by bike paths, community gardens, and a beloved grocery cooperative. And we worked downtown, in the environmental field.
When we noticed our separateness from “the other half,” it struck us as absurd. Obviously, we were missing something—half the state had voted for the new governor we thoroughly disdained. On a whim, I reached out to the local Republican Party with an invitation: would anyone, possibly another couple, like to have dinner with us and talk politics? “We of course don’t expect to convert or be converted,” I wrote. “Instead, what we’d like is to understand each other better.”
To our surprise, the Republicans’ response was enthusiastic. We were linked with Scott and Carol Grabins, another young couple who were rising Republican stars—Scott has since become the county’s Party Chairman.
Our dinner with the Grabinses was nervous, warm, awkward, fiery, and fascinating. The conversation jumped from tax policy to religion to the environment, leaving me bewildered, frustrated—and wanting more.
We began meeting monthly, just as Governor Walker’s controversial union-busting legislation touched off protests that would last all spring and would lead to his recall. During the protests, Scott, Carol, Ron, and I felt like possibly the only group of Wisconsin liberals and conservatives having civil conversations. After several months, we decided our dinners were so interesting that we needed to expand. Reach Out Wisconsin was born.
Reach Out Wisconsin hasn’t turned me Republican, as some skeptical liberal friends seemed to fear it would. On some issues, it has made me pause and reexamine my views, but in most cases my conversations with conservatives have actually strengthened my perspectives. These conversations help me understand why I feel how I do, and they force me to better articulate my stances.
Our group isn’t a place to abandon our beliefs. Instead we strive to suspend our tensions and listen respectfully. Then we leave to fight our separate battles in the real world, sometimes bumping into each other at the state Capitol while carrying opposing protest signs!
What we gain in the process is respect, civility, and an enhanced understanding of ourselves and our country. In all issues, Reach Out Wisconsin has helped me respect the other side. I’ve become an ambassador. Liberal friends ply me with questions about conservatives’ views, and I find myself explaining conservative logic, which I now understand much better than before.
This is the beautiful paradox you learn through face-to-face political dialogue: it’s possible to believe something strongly and still respect those who disagree with you. The two sentiments are not mutually exclusive.
I now have Republican, Libertarian, and even Tea Party friends. Lots of them—people I’ve connected with on Facebook and over email, and who I hug enthusiastically when we unite in person. These are warm friendships, born of trust and hearty disagreement, tension with respect mixed in.
We need more Reach Out Wisconsins. (We need a Reach Out Washington, D.C.!) And, in fact, there are various related groups around the country, from No Labels to AmericaSpeaks to Purple America. These groups bring citizens and politicians together for the kind of respectful, productive dialogue that is so often missing in the internet age.
This growing civility movement deserves at least as much attention as the Pew Center study. It’s the movement that points the way forward.
Perhaps it’s not the end of the world if I want to live in a neighborhood where most people love the co-op and bike paths as much as I do. Or if Scott and Carol prefer their spacious new development in a rural community with large, luscious lawns a long haul from the city.
But if we’re going to sort ourselves this way—and we are—then we liberals and conservatives need to be more proactive, like a married couple who work different shifts and rarely see each other. We still have this pesky relationship to tend to: our democracy. So we’d better make an effort to spend some quality time together now and then.
Such an effort doesn’t have to mean starting your own civil dialogue group. Even the simple act of “taking the Other out to lunch” can be enlightening, as Elizabeth Lesser eloquently suggests in her TED talk. This is something everyone can do.
Ron and I are moving to Portland, Oregon next month, and after three years with Reach Out Wisconsin, we’ll reluctantly leave the group behind. But I intend to seek out new conservative friends in the Portland area and possibly even start a similar group there.
I now consider this my civic duty, much like voting: to befriend people who disagree with me, and to actively strive to understand and respect them.
