For years, one of my favorite quotes about civil discourse has been this one: “An enemy is one whose story we have not heard.” It’s by Gene Knudson Hoffman. Although I’ve never known anything else about that person, I knew they must be wise.
A couple weeks ago, I finally got around to Googling that name. This was how I stumbled across Compassionate Listening.
I had vaguely imagined Gene was short for Eugene, so I was surprised to discover that this Gene was a woman. She was a co-founder of something called the Compassionate Listening Project, an organization I’d never heard of. As I read about it, though, I realized that I’d actually seen its work referenced many times.
The Compassionate Listening Project began in the 1990s as an effort to foster peace and reconciliation between Israelis and Palestinians. That work is still ongoing. Delegations of Americans travel to both nations, meeting with reconciliation leaders and cultivating compassion among all parties.
According to the CLP website:
CLP has now guided over 700 American citizens in 33 delegations to Israel and Palestine to listen to the grievances, hopes, and dreams of people on all sides of the conflict, including religious, political and grassroots leaders, settlers, refugees, peace activists, citizens, soldiers, and extremists from both sides…
With the support of Israeli and Palestinian colleagues, CLP has built trusting relationships across political, religious and social divides throughout Israel and Palestine. Our delegations have resulted in an extensive, active network of informed leaders across N. America as a result of their transformative experiences in the field. Our impressive alumni play a positive role in peace-making efforts: educating in their home communities and inviting others to support reconciliation leaders in Israel and Palestine.
I’ve read of such peacemaking delegations for years. Reading this description of their work, I realized that the CLP was probably what I’d been reading about.
Compassionate Listening is rooted in the philosophy that Hoffman learned from her Quaker upbringing, as well as in the teachings of Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh, who was one of her mentors. It’s a way of transforming difficult conversations by teaching and practicing “deep listening.”
Again from the CLP website:
Compassionate Listening requires non-judgmental listening and deepening, non-adversarial questions. Listeners seek the truth of the person speaking, seeing through ‘masks of hostility and fear to the sacredness of the individual.’ Listeners accept what others say as their perceptions, and validate the right to their own perceptions. In this way, listeners seek to humanize the ‘other’. Compassionate Listening can cut through barriers of defense and mistrust, enabling both those listened to and those listening to hear themselves in new light, to change their opinions, and to make more informed decisions. Through this process, fear can be reduced, and participants will be better equipped to discern how to proceed with effective action.
The CLP’s work extends far beyond Israel and Palestine. Hoffman worked within other global conflicts as well, such as between citizens of the U.S. and U.S.S.R. during the Cold War. Her framework is taught in workshops across the country and beyond. It can be adapted to many forms of interpersonal and intergroup conflict.
Reading all this deeply touched me and made me eager to learn more. For almost a decade, since first getting involved with Reach Out Wisconsin, I’ve wished I had training in facilitation or conflict resolution. The four of us Reach Out leaders were largely making it up as we went along. We made all sorts of mistakes.
I felt instantly drawn to the CLP’s philosophy for several reasons. I love its combination of elegant simplicity and personal challenge. The concepts are simple, but their practice takes great skill—they require training and practice. That’s been my experience in civility work, as well. It’s challenging in deep-down ways, and it takes a lot of practice.
I also love Compassionate Listening’s spiritual, introspective aspect. It teaches that peace begins within, emphasizing mindfulness and centering practices.
Fostering civil discourse has a spiritual aspect for me that I don’t often name, but that I sense deeply. This work involves deep introspection, forgiveness, and humility. It comes out of faith that our shared humanity can transcend our divisions—and for me, that faith is a spiritual one.
I’m also reassured by the CLP’s success record. It has brought meaningful transformation to conflicts that are even more fraught and violent than the one in the United States today. If this work has helped Israelis and Palestinians to find forgiveness and build trust, surely it can do the same for American liberals and conservatives!
Excited, I contacted the CLP to inquire about trainings. By a stroke of fate, a five-month workshop was about to begin in Portland.
Just three days later, I found myself in a cozy living room in Northeast Portland with fifteen or twenty others, crowded onto chairs and a futon couch and pillows on the floor, looking up at two young women who introduced themselves as our facilitators.
The evening began with a meditation. A small Tibetan singing bowl was struck, and we all closed our eyes and breathed together, a moment for which I was very grateful. My illness had made me tired all day. I felt strung out, and anxious about whether I could endure the evening.
Closing my eyes, focusing on my belly and breath, I felt relieved at the slowness and quiet that this small exercise brought to the room. Here was the spiritual element, the recognition that to listen deeply to each other, we need to be centered in ourselves.
Over the course of the evening, we learned about some CLP background and did two listening practices with partners. Each time, we took turns speaking and listening, with the listener trying to give full, empathetic attention but not to offer any other feedback. This type of listening was something I’d done before; a few others reflected later that it had been new and challenging for them.
We were sent home with some required reading, which I’ve been happily perusing this week. Our next workshop is next Monday, two weeks after the first. I’m looking forward to going back.
I feel myself entering into this world with relief and joy. For the first time, here is the training I’ve been missing! Here is a common language, giving structure to many of the vague concepts in my mind. Here are people who work in this field and have wisdom that can help me think about peacemaking in America. Here are practices that will nurture my soul along the way.
